Thursday, February 7, 2008

Kirsten Dunst Checks Into Rehab on Non-Chomper Related Issue


Everyone's favorite busted grill has checked herself into rehab, not to get her teetheses fixed as one would probably venture to guess, but because apparently she can't handle her booze.

First of all...how embarrassing...it's alcohol, man up and drink 800 beers like the rest of us - in the quiet dignity of your efficiency apartment watching "Can't Hardly Wait" 37 times on a loop. Second of all...Sweet Jebus, why would you ever want to stop drinking? Booze is the only thing that makes life and ugly people tolerable. Finally, 975% of the people in your "craft" have some sort of alcohol problem. But do you see Corbin Bernsen going to rehab? No...in fact...well...you don't really see him at all. Maybe someone should check on him to make sure he isn't passed out on his back so he doesn't choke on his own vomit.

Be a man - or in this case a kind of creepy looking saggy boobicled woman - and buy Tommy Gavin's book "I Drink Paint Thinner" on how to become a functioning alcoholic.

Regulators…mount up.

Agent Beero

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