Friday, February 1, 2008

Super Bowl XLII Predictions: Everyone Loses

Being the member of this holy triumvirate of bloggers with the most football acumen - I have two days of high school football under my belt (freshman football mind you, but that is neither here nor there) - I feel it is my duty to pass along my predictions for le Super Bowl.

First of all, there will be no winners in this game. I hate the Pats. I hate Tom Brady. I hate Teddy Bruschetta. I hate Adam Vinatieri (mostly because I wasted a 4th round fantasy football pick on him). I hate New England - except for Boston and any small hamlet that is responsible for maple syrup production. But I do love me some Randy "Straight Cash, Homey" Moss. As for those turds from the Meadowlands, the only thing going for them is that they actually play their games in the blessed state of New Jersey - unquestionably the greatest state in this fine Union of ours. Save for the Mets and their backers, I hate all New York fans, be they Yankee, Giants, Rangers, Islanders, Knickerbockers, or Liberty. There is nothing redeemable about those douche bags. They are, hands down, the worst fans ever.

Another reason that, despite the final score, no one will win this game: each of the teams sports a giant turd of a player. The Pats (by the way, I think it is hilarious that the Patriots share a name with an androgynous - and not in a good way like Liam Gallagher - character..."Pat" of Saturday Night Live fame)...have Laurence Maroney, a world class butt nugget. The kind of guy I would stab, if I wasn't so afraid of him. And the Lil' Gigantes have Osi Umenyiora, who we learned recently, "came to drop bombs".

So I know what you're saying..."give us your pick so we can start laying bets based on your learned ways and keen insights" here it is...With out a doubt, the final score will be:

  • Pats - 0

  • Lil' Gigantes - 0

  • Notre Dame - 476

  • Brady Quinn - 4 Heismans, 3 BCS National Championships, 2 of the most sculpted pecs ever, and 1 golden arm

  • Yours in devout Catholicism,
    Agent Beero

    No comments: