Monday, February 11, 2008

We've Moved!!!

From the creative geniuses behind Sid B.R.E.A.M. comes
Made 'em Jump Like Rod Strickland. Same great / borderline inappropriate content but now with a semi-easier URL to type. Not to mention the fact that the name covers two fo the three mythical "3 W's" - The Wizards and Wu-Tang. The third W, which covers where we're from and who we be will go unspoken to protect the innocent, or in this case keep us from doing 3-5 for some "incidents" where the statute of limitations hasn't expired yet.

So long story short, add Made 'em Jump Like Rod Strickland to your "favorites" and check back daily, cause there is a good chance we'll actually post blogs...semi-occasionally.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Rex, Rex, It's Time to Have Sex

American model, actor, television personality, statesman, former porn star, and rapper Simon Rex (who has actually held all of those aforementioned "jobs" but one - hint, its not not porn star) made the mistake of being caught smooching with Paris Hilton.

For the most part, I could care less about Simon-to-the-Rex. I will admit, however, that he had one of the best "Cribs" episodes ever. His house, literally, was on par with some of the hovels I work near in the South East area of Chocolate City. On the other hand, we have Paris Hilton and her wonky eye. I mean, seriously...when she is having threesomes, do the dudes get confused who she is looking at because her eyes are looking at both dude's taints at the same time?

Even if I didn't already have gonorrhea, I wouldn't touch her...wait a minute...who am I kidding...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Kirsten Dunst Checks Into Rehab on Non-Chomper Related Issue

Everyone's favorite busted grill has checked herself into rehab, not to get her teetheses fixed as one would probably venture to guess, but because apparently she can't handle her booze.

First of's alcohol, man up and drink 800 beers like the rest of us - in the quiet dignity of your efficiency apartment watching "Can't Hardly Wait" 37 times on a loop. Second of all...Sweet Jebus, why would you ever want to stop drinking? Booze is the only thing that makes life and ugly people tolerable. Finally, 975% of the people in your "craft" have some sort of alcohol problem. But do you see Corbin Bernsen going to rehab? don't really see him at all. Maybe someone should check on him to make sure he isn't passed out on his back so he doesn't choke on his own vomit.

Be a man - or in this case a kind of creepy looking saggy boobicled woman - and buy Tommy Gavin's book "I Drink Paint Thinner" on how to become a functioning alcoholic.

Regulators…mount up.

Agent Beero

Monday, February 4, 2008

Jessica Alba Beero Breaks Up With Boyfriend, Comes Crawling Back to Me...

It appears as though my ex has had a change of heart and has left her good for nothing boyfriend. She stopped by my luxury single family home in the hills outside the city last night, begging for me to take her back.

After much soul searching and gnashing of teeth - and against my better judgement - I've decided to take her back and make an honest woman out of her.

By the by, we're registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond and MVC.

Yours in wedded bliss and eventually bitter divorce,
Agent Beero

Thank You Big Baby Jesus!!!

Other than the day I got a call back for a guest spot on "227" as Jackee's love interest (damn you Carl Anthony Payne II), I have never been more elated about a potential tv or movie related happening.

My insider Hollywood sources (e.g. other blogs) are telling me that a movie version of "Arrested Development" is in the works!

Sweet day of days...Pack up the frozen banana stand, pawn the segway, cancel your membership in the magician's guild...the Bluth's are back, and they're out for blood.

Friday, February 1, 2008

He's Gayer Than a Handbag Full of Rainbows

Obviously there is only one thing to say, "Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker."

This picture of Wyclef Jean is creepy on so many levels.

  1. Jean is holding dolls.
  2. Jean is holding dolls.
  3. SHe is dressed like some sort of Puma sponsored priest
  4. SHe appears to be flicking of the camera with HEr left hand, almost as if saying, "Fuck you. I'm creepy. I know it. I love boys, what of it??

Emmitt Smith, are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Absolutely not. Hilarious video from The Jimmy Kimmel Show the other night. Sound quality is shitty. Comedic quality is top notch.

Yours in blood,
Agent Hiro

Super Bowl XLII Predictions: Everyone Loses

Being the member of this holy triumvirate of bloggers with the most football acumen - I have two days of high school football under my belt (freshman football mind you, but that is neither here nor there) - I feel it is my duty to pass along my predictions for le Super Bowl.

First of all, there will be no winners in this game. I hate the Pats. I hate Tom Brady. I hate Teddy Bruschetta. I hate Adam Vinatieri (mostly because I wasted a 4th round fantasy football pick on him). I hate New England - except for Boston and any small hamlet that is responsible for maple syrup production. But I do love me some Randy "Straight Cash, Homey" Moss. As for those turds from the Meadowlands, the only thing going for them is that they actually play their games in the blessed state of New Jersey - unquestionably the greatest state in this fine Union of ours. Save for the Mets and their backers, I hate all New York fans, be they Yankee, Giants, Rangers, Islanders, Knickerbockers, or Liberty. There is nothing redeemable about those douche bags. They are, hands down, the worst fans ever.

Another reason that, despite the final score, no one will win this game: each of the teams sports a giant turd of a player. The Pats (by the way, I think it is hilarious that the Patriots share a name with an androgynous - and not in a good way like Liam Gallagher - character..."Pat" of Saturday Night Live fame)...have Laurence Maroney, a world class butt nugget. The kind of guy I would stab, if I wasn't so afraid of him. And the Lil' Gigantes have Osi Umenyiora, who we learned recently, "came to drop bombs".

So I know what you're saying..."give us your pick so we can start laying bets based on your learned ways and keen insights" here it is...With out a doubt, the final score will be:

  • Pats - 0

  • Lil' Gigantes - 0

  • Notre Dame - 476

  • Brady Quinn - 4 Heismans, 3 BCS National Championships, 2 of the most sculpted pecs ever, and 1 golden arm

  • Yours in devout Catholicism,
    Agent Beero

    Two Dope Boyz in a Cadillac.....

    "I'm in New York at the Puerto Rican day parade, then at night I'm in New Orleans drinkin hand grenades." - Ludacris

    And when I say Cadillac, I mean All-Star game. Congrats to Tough Juice and Twan for getting named to the Eastern Conference All-Star reserves. Maybe while they're in the Big Easy, they can throw down a couple Heinekens with this guy above. Here's the list of the full teams. And thank God Tracy McGrady didn't get voted in, otherwise he would've put himself on front street for being a bitch. Oh wait, he already did that. Apparently the only safe place to hang out these days is on the Rockets injury report.

    In other All-Star news, I will not be watching the dunk contest, partially as a boycott for the Igoudala robbery two years ago, mostly because the NBA took Jamario Moon over Nick Young this year. At least the Wiz will win the NBA All-Star unofficial gangster ass tattoo contest. I taught my 2 year old nephew how to do the "I can't feel my face" dance last week, now all I have to do is sneak him off to the tattoo parlor when my sister isn't looking.

    Yours in blood,
    Agent Hiro